Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So squirting runs in the family.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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