I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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