:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
