$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
