I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm passing your future prison.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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