the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
