Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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