Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
