Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
