So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
