i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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