I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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