Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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