who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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