Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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