Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Go christen that room with your naked body.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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