oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
