Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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