and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
