Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
