I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
