Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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