It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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