After last night, I could never be a politician.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
