well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
