A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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