fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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