the day after is always just damage control
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
