nut hugger
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
