I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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