he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
