I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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