Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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