i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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