420 ftw
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
