I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
