She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
