You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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