Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
