You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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