1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
