Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
