i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
