there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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