apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
where does the pee come out of this thing
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They have beer where we have blood.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
