Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
