btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
