I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
