Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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