i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
