Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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