I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
