you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
