She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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