i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
