I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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