Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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