Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
