Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
